


Phichit Chulanont is Hung like a Donkey

by istillfearkanna



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: I’m so sorry, M/M, blame michael martinez’s lewd instagram pics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-21
Updated: 2018-02-21
Packaged: 2019-03-22 06:55:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13758690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/istillfearkanna/pseuds/istillfearkanna
Summary: A wardrobe malfunction creates a minor internet sensation, and Yuuri can’t help but be curious.





	Phichit Chulanont is Hung like a Donkey

Yuuri couldn’t quite believe his eyes. In all the years he’d perused the Golden Skate forums, he’d seen plenty of weird or unpleasant titles: rude ones, brutally honest ones, even lewd ones, but nothing as blatant as this.

Clicking somewhat reluctantly on the thread, he saw an animated gif of Phichit standing rinkside at the Cup of China, seemingly adjusting himself, and sure enough it looked like he was moving an elephant trunk around down there. Yuuri averted his eyes. He’d seen Phichit in tights plenty of times, even seen him in swimtrunks and his underwear, albeit the latter always from behind. If Phichit was “packing,” it was a secret to him.

Of course it was entirely possible Phichit had misplaced his tape and been forced to wear a dance belt. Yuuri was well familiar with the rounded bulge those provided. 

He was still staring at the gif. He probably shouldn’t watch his roommate and closest friend outside if Japan play with himself. But he knew that if the shoe were on the other foot, Phichit would be interrogating him out if sheer, unmitigated curiousity if nothing else.

“Phichit!” Yuuri called. “You’ve gotta see this!”

Phichit sped into the room and dove into Yuuri’s bed, as was his wont. He propped himself up on his elbows. “What’s up?”

“Saw something interesting on Golden Skate today,” Yuuri said, turning his screen so that Phichit was face to face with the offending gif.

There was a moment’s pause before Phichit’s eyes widened and he burst into raucous laughter. “This is fantastic!” He squealed.

At least he was taking it well? “Yeah...I can’t believe someone filmed that!”

“What do the comments say?”

“...nothing I want to repeat. There’s a lot of, um. Speculation.”

“Ooh, what’s the highest?”

Yuuri scrolled through the rest of the page in the mercifully short thread. “Someone said twenty-six centimeters.”

Phichit snorted. “That’s almost as long as my thigh!”

“Most people seem to guess around twenty.”

“Slightly more reasonable,” Phichit joked (?), wiping tears of amusement from his eyes.

“Yeah,” Yuuri said. He cleared his throat. “Pretty funny how these guys can’t tell the difference between a bulge and a dance belt.”

Phichit cocked his head. “Dance belt?”

“That’s what you’re adjusting, right?” Yuuri said with a nervous laugh. “I just thought it looked like one. And I don’t think you’re...um...”

“Yuuri Katsuki,” Phichit admonished. “Are you questioning my prodigious endowment?”

“...no? I just. I’ve never seen you sticking out like that? Not that I’ve been looking!” Yuuri said, squirming, unable to make eye contact with his friend.

Phichit seemed wounded. “Am I not worth looking at?”

“I mean, it’s not that I’m NOT looking? I’ve seen...I mean...why are you doing this to me?” Yuuri screeched as Phichit‘s indignation gave way to laughter.

“Because you’re too easy!” He crowed. “Apparently in more ways than one if you’re spending the afternoon reading about my dick.”

“Phichit,” Yuuri moaned, slumping pitifully into his chair. “You know I only get on Golden Skate to hate myself. It was an accident!”

“I know!” Phichit sighed, and as he usually did after teasing Yuuri mercilessly, he wrapped Yuuri into an impossibly warm hug. 

Yuuri couldn’t help himself. “It was a dance belt though, right?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know.”

“...kinda, yeah.”

Phichit released the hug and leaned over until his lips were nearly brushing against Yuuri’s ear. “Only one way to find out,” he whispered, and Yuuri felt a chill run through him. Before he could say anything, Phichit had fled, cackling, from the room.

“Phichit!” Yuuri whined. He heard the apartment door snap closed.

Great. His balls were blue enough over Victor. He didn’t need his roommate teasing him too. Not to mention there was a freshly-single Giacometti flouncing about the competitions these days. Yuuri flopped resignedly onto his bed. Figure skaters, he decided, were the worst.


End file.
